Cheat sheet · Everyday life

Cheat sheet for everyday life.

Most of the test is small, public and over in five seconds.

Not every hardship is a test, and nothing here is graded.

A young man carries an older woman's groceries up the steps.
  1. Move in the first five seconds.
    When you see someone struggling (bags, a stroller, lost, crying), you have about five seconds before the moment passes. Go.
    Say"Can I help with that?"
  2. Pay for a stranger and leave.
    Coffee, a meal, a bus fare. Be gone before they can thank you. Nothing comes back. That is the point.
  3. Be the paramedic.
    If someone is hurt in public, go toward them, call for help and stay until help arrives. Don't ask about the crime, the person or your training.
  4. Return what isn't yours.
    The wallet, the phone, the extra change. Leave a note: "Found by someone who hoped you would get this back."
  5. Let the other person finish.
    With someone you disagree with, repeat back what they said before you answer.
    Say"So what you're saying is..."
  6. Treat the one who can do nothing for you like the one who can.
    The waiter, the janitor, the intern, the stranger. Same voice, same eye contact, same patience.
  7. Do one kindness a day that nobody sees.
    If it lifts you, fine. Do it again the next day when it doesn't.

The evidence behind this sheet

Experiments find that small acts of giving and kindness raise the giver's mood a little, and field data show that most bystanders do step in when someone is hurt. The effects are modest and vary by method, so treat these as low-cost habits, not cures.

Prosocial Spending and Well-Being: Cross-Cultural Evidence for a Psychological UniversalSurvey data from 136 countries linked prosocial spending to greater happiness, and experiments in Canada, Uganda, India and South Africa found that spending on others raised positive feeling.study · Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (author copy, McGill University)Prosocial spending encourages happiness: A replication of the only experiment reported in Dunn, Aknin, and Norton (2008)A larger replication (N = 133) did not find a significant difference using the original analysis, though a more direct happiness measure did point in the original direction.skeptical · PLoS ONE (via PubMed Central)The Emotional Rewards of Prosocial Spending Are Robust and Replicable in Large SamplesA review of all 15 preregistered prosocial spending experiments called the evidence somewhat mixed but argued the emotional benefits hold up in large samples, especially when people choose how to give.review · Current Directions in Psychological Science, Association for Psychological ScienceHappy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actorAcross 27 experiments (N = 4,045), performing kind acts raised the doer's well-being by a small-to-medium amount (delta = 0.28), with no sign of publication bias.review · Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (Bournemouth University repository)The Association Between Prosocial Behavior and Mental Health: A Three-Level Meta-AnalysisPooling 366 effect sizes (N = 222,866), prosocial behavior and better mental health were positively correlated (r = 0.26), with the link differing by culture, measure and study design.review · Journal of Adolescence (via PubMed Central)Would I be helped? Cross-national CCTV footage shows that intervention is the norm in public conflictsFootage of 219 public conflicts in three countries showed that at least one bystander, and typically several, helped in about nine of ten cases.study · Neuroscience News, reprinting a Lancaster University release on the American Psychologist studyI Am Aware of My Inconsistencies but Can Tolerate Them: The Effect of High Quality Listening on Speakers' Attitude AmbivalenceAcross four laboratory experiments, being listened to by an empathic, non-judgmental listener changed speakers' attitude structure, in line with the idea that good listening lowers defensiveness.study · Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (author page, University of Haifa)
Where the evidence is thin. Most kindness studies are short, use self-reports, and show small effects that shrink in some replications; the bystander footage covers street conflicts in three countries, not every setting. These sheets do not claim that any single act changes your life, and nothing here is health advice.
If you only do one thing this week
One kindness a day that nobody sees.

This is practical, not religious. I think what you show with your choices is what counts. Share it freely.

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