Cheat sheet · For your teens
Cheat sheet for your teens.
Remember: this site is written for adult readers because of the subjects it covers (war, grief, mental health), and it has nothing explicit. This sheet is for you to read and hand to your teens, not for them to browse the site. They are not too young for the practice. They may be the best at it, because they haven't learned to look away yet.
Not every hardship is a test, and nothing here is graded.
Sit with the one who is alone.
Lunch, the bus, a party. That is the whole move.
Say"Mind if I sit here?"
Say "that's enough."
When a group piles on someone, you don't have to win, and one person not laughing changes the room.
Say"Okay, that's enough."
Defend them in private if public is too hard.
Message them"That wasn't okay. I'm sorry nobody said it."
Do one invisible kindness.
No post, no screenshot. Do it. If it feels good, fine; do it again when it doesn't.
Give one conversation your whole attention.
Phone face down. Listen to the end.
Ask"What's the hardest part of this week?"
Say a specific thank-you.
To a teacher or a parent: "When you ___, it changed ___."
Tell the truth when lying is free.
Do it even when no one would ever know.
Say"Actually, that was me."
Give the credit away.
Let it belong to the group.
Say"That was her idea."
The evidence behind this sheet
School trials suggest peer-led efforts and bystander training can modestly reduce conflict and increase helping, and kindness tasks can raise peer acceptance. Well-being gains from kind acts in teens are small, uneven, and sometimes absent.
Changing climates of conflict: A social network experiment in 56 schoolsAcross 56 schools and 24,191 students, getting a small group of students to take a public stand against conflict cut disciplinary reports of conflict by an estimated 30%.study · Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (via PubMed Central)A Meta-Analysis of School-Based Bullying Prevention Programs' Effects on Bystander Intervention BehaviorTwelve school programs (12,874 students) modestly increased bystander intervention (g = .20), with larger effects in high school than earlier grades, but did not significantly raise empathy for victims.review · School Psychology Review (abstract via Office of Justice Programs)The Effectiveness of the KiVa Bullying Prevention Program in Wales, UK: Results from a Pragmatic Cluster Randomized Controlled TrialIn 22 primary schools, a program built around changing bystander behavior did not produce a statistically significant effect on victimization, and the authors called for a larger trial with better implementation.skeptical · Prevention Science (via PubMed Central)Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-BeingStudents aged 9 to 11 who performed kind acts gained more peer acceptance than those who visited places, though both groups improved in well-being.study · PLoS ONE (via PubMed Central)Evidence from a Randomized Controlled Trial that Altruism Moderates the Effect of Prosocial Acts on Adolescent Well-beingIn a small trial of 97 teens, well-being trajectories did not differ across groups overall; benefits of kind acts appeared mainly in teens who scored high on altruism.skeptical · Journal of Youth and Adolescence (via PubMed Central)The efficacy of three types of gratitude interventions for promoting defending behavior in response to school bullying among Chinese early adolescentsA gratitude curriculum and a gratitude journal raised early adolescents' gratitude and defending behavior relative to controls, while gratitude visits improved defending only compared with baseline.study · BMC Psychology (via PubMed Central)The Association Between Prosocial Behavior and Mental Health: A Three-Level Meta-AnalysisAcross 366 effect sizes, prosocial behavior and mental health were positively correlated (r = 0.26) in samples concentrated among children, adolescents and young adults, with differences by study design.review · Journal of Adolescence (via PubMed Central) Where the evidence is thin. Many of these trials are small, short, or done in one country, and several found no overall effect. The sheet's specific moves (sitting with someone, a private message, a specific thank-you) are not tested one by one, and these findings do not mean teens should handle serious harm alone.
If you only do one thing this weekSit with someone, stand up for someone, thank someone.
If someone is being hurt, tell a trusted adult. You do not have to handle it alone, and not every hardship is a test.
This is practical, not religious. I think what you show with your choices is what counts. Share it freely.
